“So, you want to go
and work there do you? To do that? Hmmm.”
A job search can seem
like an intensely personal task, and it is easy to dismiss the thoughts of
others as they simply “don’t understand.” You have been living through all the
scenarios for months and as you get to the moment of making your next move it
is hard to see how the opinions of those around you could possibly be more
valid.
So, you let the
comments flow over you like water. You’ve got this covered - you don’t need
random suggestions distracting your thought process.
That is a huge
mistake.
Any change process
needs a huge amount of external input to smooth the edges and grease the
wheels. You might be pretty certain in your thinking, but the smallest insight
from someone close to you could change your direction by a few degrees and at
the end of a 3-month search that could make all the difference. By all means
stay close to your heart’s desire, but ignore the views of others at your peril.
Their opinions aren’t
more valid, but there may well be a decent degree of validity.
Sometimes, I think
that people keep their friends and loved ones at arm’s length because they
don’t want them to “own” the job search with them. If they are going to fail,
then it will be their failure, and not the collective failure of those around
them. Somehow they feel like they are shielding these well-meaning people, but
actually in shutting them out of the process, they are making them into
effective bystanders at a crucial time.
The best job searches
should be conducted from a deeply personal point of view, but ideally also take
into account the views and opinions of a few close confidant(e)s. You won’t
exactly be in it together, but if a couple of others have been consulted along
the way, they will at least understand your struggles that little bit better.
Seeking out different
perspectives can allow you to learn from the experience of others. They
wouldn’t dream of telling you what to you, but they can say what they did in a
similar situation and how it worked out for them.
When you step into
someone else’s shoes, even if it for a few minutes, somehow the pressure value
of stress releases just that little bit. Thinking about yourself is important,
but it can get exhausting. When you think about the experiences of other
people, you are allowing yourself to catch your breath.
In any kind of
traumatic situation, it is useful to remember that you are not alone. Lean on
those close to you and they will help you to get through it. Listen to their
views, and let them influence the direction that you are taking.
Your job search will
be all the more successful if you view it through their eyes.